As I write this I’m watching Imaginarium, a film I’ve now seen 23 times.

Recently I’ve made some big decisions that I’ve regretted. I have more than opportunities then ever causing every choice I make to feel like the wrong one. I was excited to apply to grad school but am now second guessing myself about where I want to go and what I want to study. I worry about how difficult the classes will be, how lonely I’ll be moving far away from my friends. For the second time in my life, I worry about wasting three years of my life only graduating to end up in another career path I hate.

My plan was to go to grad school for counseling. It pays better then what I’m doing now, at least I thought it did? Does anything these days? This year I started going to therapy for the first time; how on earth can I be a therapist or counselor to someone else if I’m going to therapy myself? Or does that make me better at it?

Three weeks a go I turned down an offer to work at one of the largest high adventure camps in the country; I worked there for two summers while I was in college. Hitching a ride on a train to work at a summer camp a thousand miles away was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done; overcoming that fear transformed me from the shy, lonely person I was to the social, courageous person I am today.

One of the reasons I declined the offer is to finish the 100 strangers project. After three weeks, out of 14 strangers I’ve spoken to 5 of them have said no. I wanted to share the finished project with my co-worker before she leaves in August and now I doubt whether I will finish it at all?

If I go to grad school, it will mean leaving my board game group and D&D campaign; we only meet twice a month but they’re two places I finally feel I fit in. It would also mean leaving a job I love. Going to work at the adventure camp this summer would mean abandoning these things. When I worked at this camp the first two times, I didn’t have any friends or social activities to leave behind; now I do.