I get extremely aroused by sweaty and dirty socks, panties, feet and shoes. The sweatier and smellier the better. Because I've been so afraid of talking to girls most of my life, my body found other ways to satisfy my sex drive. The scent from stinky socks reminds me of the girls who wore them, making it feel like we’re together.
When I was in 1st grade a teacher called me out for something embarrassing in front of the class, I got bullied for it by other students and for the next eleven years became extremely shy. I think this is part of the reason I'm extremely turned on by femdom. The only thing I have to offer a girl I’m attracted to is allowing her to bully and humiliate me for her own pleasure. I've never paid to be with a dominatrix, ordered sweaty socks from girls on the internet, or paid for more than a single clip on Clips4Sale, but I've fantasized about all of it frequently. I dream of a cheerleader, school bully or mean girl giving me swirlies, wedgies, wet willies and shoving her dirty socks in my mouth to keep down the moans and groans.
In 8th grade I lied to my mom that I had pneumonia. We went to the doctor, they gave me an inhaler and a prescription to stay home from school for two weeks. While my parents and siblings were away I discovered Season 11 of Big Brother on the family computer. In each season, twelve strangers live in a house that allows them to be under constant surveillance by hidden cameras. For twelve weeks the strangers live together, compete in challenges, and each week one contestant is voted off. This continues until after 90 days only one remains, becoming the winner of $500,000. In Season 11 the twelve contestants are separated into teams based on cliques from high school; The Athletes, The Brains, The Populars and The Off Beats. Their first challenge is to receive a hanging wedgie while holding onto a toilet seat. Whoever can stay in their hanging wedgie the longest without letting go of the seat wins immunity for their clique for a week. To participate I decided to give myself one too by hooking my underwear over the bannister on the stairs. My underwear quickly ripped but before it did I had an immense feeling of pleasure. I didn't know it yet, but I had given myself my first orgasm.
During those two weeks I finished Season 11 of Big Brother and dove head first into wedgie content looking up everything I could find to re-live that moment of pleasure. The first videos I found were by Fox and Jess, now legendary for being some of the first ever to make videos for this fetish. DeviantArt is a great place for wedgie images and stories. Images consist of digitally painted fan art, often of a quite extreme wedgie like hanging from the flagpole. There are also ones featuring hot girls with captions on them, the girls are usually school bullies, cheerleaders or older sisters and have captions such as “Your bully about to hang you from the hook in her locker and leave you hanging by three pairs of girly panties until they rip. Enjoy hanging loser.” The third type is photos of people getting real life wedgies. Many of the stories on DeviantArt are quite extreme, describing hours or days long sessions of nerds getting bullied with wedgies, swirlies and other punishments. Some of my favorite creators include RedPurity666, IvyLeigh13, KittenTheThird, Bastien Cross and CriminalKiwi. One of the most popular wedgie videos online is How To Be A Bully: Wedgies 101 by Dirty Dodo, with over 1.8 million views as of writing.
Two years ago I started wearing women's panties. They're very soft, comfortable, durable and much stretchier than men’s underwear. I like the embarrassment of wearing them and have used them to give myself atomic and hanging wedgies without them ripping. Wedgies are a niche fetish but they turn me on immensely. At age twenty five, giving myself wedgies has been the only way I’ve ever orgasmed, it hasn’t happened any other way.
The biggest problem with my fetishes, is they prevent me from having the desire to be in a real relationship. Because I can give myself such amazing orgasms almost anytime I want, it prevents me from being with a real girl. Being in a loving relationship provides a lot more than sexual pleasure even though that's a big benefit. A real woman is someone to go shopping with, share a home with, start a family with, and find stability with. Someone to have interesting conversations with or to support each other when we feel down. I have a deep fear of dying alone. This is a major reason I am trying so hard to fight back against my addiction.
I would love to find a girlfriend who is into some of these things. It would make me feel fulfilled to have one who will give me her dirty stinky socks and give me wedgies. I'd be happy to give her wedgies too or anything she wants to be honest. I want to make her happy just as much as I would want the same for me. It would be really cool to be in a relationship with a dominant woman, even though I know it's not that common.
Two years ago, I started using software to block a list of apps and URLs on my phone and desktop. On the list include Reddit, Twitter (sorry Elon), Discord, DeviantArt, and Instagram. The primary list also blocks over 550 search terms. These include the words “wedgie”, “wed-gie”, “wedgi_e” and “wedg+ie”, “femdom”, “fem_dom” and “fem+dom”. It turns out Google is remarkably good at showing me the porn I want to see no matter how badly I mangle words, remove letters or add substitutions. Every time I find a combination of characters that lets me through, I immediately download everything I can and masturbate furiously for two or three days. When I finally feel like garbage again, I add the search term to my blocklist unable to ever be removed. There are two positives however, one of which being the block list. Because it is only additive, it will only ever get stronger over time. I’ve already noticed how much more effective it is then when I first started. The second is that unlike cigarettes or alcohol, I have never watched pornography or masturbated anywhere but home, at least none that I was turned on by. As long as I’m not home I’m safe, that’s one of the biggest reasons I try to be out of the house as much as possible.
A year ago I acquired seven flashdrives and downloaded my entire pornography collection onto every drive. From there I promptly deleted every trace from my computer. It felt like when Voldemort created his seven Horcruxes, the pieces of his soul. I hid the flashdrives places I’ve been too but will never go back. One at my university’s library, placed when I went to visit my friend before he graduated. Another underneath the seats at an AMC movie theater. One at each of the branches of a public library I used to live by, both on the biography shelf, my favorite section. The last three are all at a college near home. Two on the top floor of the health center and the third on the top floor of the library. I did write down where they were when placing them, though I’ve lost all record of their exact locations and have no idea where in these specific buildings any of them are any more. I plan on never returning to retrieve them.